Have you ever sat and wondered why you think or believe things should be a certain way? My whole life I’ve been taught to be and act in certain ways. Like most people, there are the things you learn from your family and the ideas you pick up from society. Along the way, you think these things will help you when you grow up. But does it really? As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that a good [...]
I fell in love with muscles when I was about 5, back when my nickname was Jilly Bean. Muscles fascinated me. I liked The Incredible Hulk, He-Man, She-Ra, Wonder Woman, and Hulk Hogan. Growing up in a conservative Christian home with a pastor father, I was raised on traditional gender roles and most things I liked and was attracted to were frowned upon as “worldly” or “secular.” It was super cool that girls could be muscular and kick-ass too! [...]
How can we determine we are on our right path? How can we be certain we are becoming the person we are meant to be? These are questions that have followed me my entire life and will most likely continue to follow me for the entirety of my life. The answer is, we probably won’t ever have certainty that what we are doing is either the right or wrong choice. Each move we make ultimately has a butterfly effect that [...]
Probably 5 years ago now, I had the thought; I should write a book about my family. Our family would always joke, if any of us wrote a book, it would be a bestseller. But the more I thought about it, the source of it all for me would be my Mother and my childhood. The book I would write would be called Surviving my Mother. And it would be a bestseller too. Each of us has a story [...]
Sometimes I feel I don’t have the right to offer my opinion regarding the challenges we face in life. The truth is I’ve been very blessed throughout my life in many ways and generally speaking, have had what I consider to be a great life and a wonderful childhood. I know many people who have not fared as well and when I consider what others have endured, it seems almost insulting that I would have anything to say on [...]
I often think about my childhood and question when I knew; when I knew that I was different. I grew up in a close-knit circle with my sisters and my mom. My dad was around until about 14 years old and then, quite rapidly, he left our family. On top of alcoholism and being unfaithful in his marriage, he severely suffered (and still does) from narcissistic personality disorder (if any of you reading this have a narcissistic parent, I [...]
I’ve spent the last few years on an amazingly beautiful and at times painful road of self-discovery. One that has forced me to go deeper into myself than I ever have before. I’ve had to be relentless about honesty. I’ve had to be brave enough to deal with whatever comes up as I ask myself some tough questions and wait for my inner self to answer, sometimes in ways that send wracks of pain, shame, and guilt through my [...]
I’m embarrassed to admit the ways I have experienced feeling unworthy or being not good enough. I don’t like to seem like I don’t have it all together. But I’m pretty sure everyone experiences self-doubt. I will try not to shame myself too much for the things I’ve felt even though they may seem shallow; they are honest. 1. I have felt in the past that I was not worthy of a significant other that has money if I didn’t [...]
I faced a life sentence at 18 years old. Being a young man at the podium, and awaiting sentencing with the possibility of a maximum term of life in prison, hits hard. I was standing there in tears over the idea. Analyzing the number of lost life experiences and relationships and the scary idea of what was to come. Miraculously, I was granted a second chance at life, and I was graced with a sentence of 112 months in WA [...]
When I originally went to write I wanted to write about my experience as a Black woman in America. I wrote something else instead. Mostly because I am fearful. Fearful of how it will be received; you know, ‘you’re playing the race card’ or ‘Black people can be racists too’. Comments we hear when those receiving it are too ignorant or too comfortable with their privilege they can’t accept another’s reality. The reality is, collectively, White people are not [...]
