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The Abstract Mirror

Discovering What Has Always Been

I often think about my childhood and question when I knew; when I knew that I was different.  I grew up in a close-knit circle with my sisters and my mom.  My dad was around until about 14 years old and then, quite rapidly, he left our family.  On top of alcoholism and being unfaithful in his marriage, he severely suffered (and still does) from narcissistic personality disorder (if any of you reading this have a narcissistic parent, I [...]

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Growing In Self

I’ve spent the last few years on an amazingly beautiful and at times painful road of self-discovery.  One that has forced me to go deeper into myself than I ever have before.  I’ve had to be relentless about honesty.  I’ve had to be brave enough to deal with whatever comes up as I ask myself some tough questions and wait for my inner self to answer, sometimes in ways that send wracks of pain, shame, and guilt through my [...]

The Abstract MIrror

Setting My Own Table

I’m embarrassed to admit the ways I have experienced feeling unworthy or being not good enough.  I don’t like to seem like I don’t have it all together.  But I’m pretty sure everyone experiences self-doubt.  I will try not to shame myself too much for the things I’ve felt even though they may seem shallow; they are honest. 1.  I have felt in the past that I was not worthy of a significant other that has money if I didn’t [...]

The Abstract Mirror

I Faced A Life Sentence At Eighteen

I faced a life sentence at 18 years old. Being a young man at the podium, and awaiting sentencing with the possibility of a maximum term of life in prison, hits hard.  I was standing there in tears over the idea.  Analyzing the number of lost life experiences and relationships and the scary idea of what was to come. Miraculously, I was granted a second chance at life, and I was graced with a sentence of 112 months in WA [...]

Self Perception

To My White Friends

When I originally went to write I wanted to write about my experience as a Black woman in America.  I wrote something else instead.  Mostly because I am fearful.  Fearful of how it will be received; you know, ‘you’re playing the race card’ or ‘Black people can be racists too’.  Comments we hear when those receiving it are too ignorant or too comfortable with their privilege they can’t accept another’s reality.  The reality is, collectively, White people are not [...]

The Abstract Mirror Blog

No Apologies: Coping By Cussing

I cuss.  I cuss a lot.  My husband calls me trucker-mouth mama.  Sometimes, I use it too casually, which doesn't have as much impact as I would like it to.  It was a life-saver of sorts.  It came into my life at a time when I struggled to express myself to the outside world, and it also gave me permission to say how I felt, even if it was just in the privacy of my room as a 7-year-old [...]

The Abstract Mirror Blog

Sex And Self-Worth

For me “not-enoughness” is something I have to bring awareness to consistently in my life.  I am a marriage and family therapist, single mommy, single in general (lol), and just turned 40 years old.  For starters being a single mom at 40 in the United States you constantly get “oh no what happened”.  The looks from other married moms of “poor girl”.  Dating men comes with the assumption that you’re hunting for a husband and ready to wed the [...]

The Abstract MIrror

I Give Myself Grace

When I decided to share my story on self-love and healing I wasn’t sure where I would begin because I am still on the journey currently.  I think we all have had some sort of trauma in our life, either from childhood or as we become adults and meet people that we date or friends that let us down.  Whatever that means for you.  Life can be really hard sometimes.  I grew up thinking if I could just live [...]

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Saying No To Mr. Wrong Lead To Saying YES To Mr. Right

Ways unworthiness has shown up in my life are numerous: jobs, wonderful opportunities and the most painful of all: relationships! Over a period of about four years, I struggled with romantic partnerships. So much so, that I had stopped dating for two years so I could unravel the knot I felt I had gotten myself into. After many failed partnerships, I felt I was to blame. Somehow I was attracting partners that perpetuated feelings of unworthiness and that I wasn’t loveable. [...]

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A Holistic Journey To Self-Love

I was born in the Czech Republic while my country was occupied by the Soviet Union.  I came from many generations of hard and tough people with a very standoffish attitude.  A good example of this is that my parents never told me that they love me because this was not part of our culture.  My mother was unconsciously riddled with anxieties and fears and my father always gave me a feeling that I wasn’t good enough.  His way [...]